Levantei da cama, no frio mesmo, e abri a gaveta. Peguei o perfume e senti o cheiro dele outra vez, aquilo parecia transmitir paz. As lembranças começaram a fazer fila no meu coração, empurrando uma lágrima pelos meus olhos. Aquela lágrima era de felicidade e de tristeza ao mesmo tempo. Ela escorria devagar pela minha bochecha perto do meu nariz, e eu lembrei da cena de quando eu ganhei aquele perfume e senti o cheiro dele. Agora mais para baixo, perto da boca, e o beijo dele me veio na mente. A gotinha de água salgada caiu na minha mão, e senti a mão dele na minha outra vez. Como pode um ser mexer tanto comigo? Não faz sentido, foi um amor de verão. Caiu no meu pé depois, e eu lembrei de que ele morava lá longe, a milhões de quilômetros de distância.
Várias outras lágrimas começaram a escorrer e eu perdi o controle delas! O pior de tudo é que para alimentar esse amor tão grande eu não preciso de absolutamente nada. Nada. Só preciso que ele esteja vivo e bem, nem que seja lá longe e que talvez eu nunca mais o veja. Meu amor vai para o túmulo comigo. Até além dele, se der. Senti minha boca montar um sorriso, aquelas lembranças faziam bem, não dava para negar.
Mas uma pergunta permanecia na minha cabeça, por que que tudo isso estava vindo tão fortemente para mim agora? Enxuguei as lágrimas, me recompus e cliquei no botão para desbloquear o celular. Dezesseis de julho de 2013, agora tudo fazia sentido, dois anos.
My room was filled with that hot air. It was so cold outside, there was no way I was getting out of bed. It was one of those ordinary cold winter nights when there is nothing to do, except going on the computer. As I looked through my furniture to see if I wanted to change anything, I stared for a second at my white desk. One, two, three, four, five, five draws. The fifth was where I kept all of the important material things I got everywhere I went, including his perfume.
Even cold, I got out of bed and opened the drawer. Picked up the perfume and smelled it for a whole minute. The memories started to make a line in my heart, which made me shed a little tear. A both, sad and happy tear. It went down my face, going trough my nose as I remembered the first time I smelled that perfume. Then it went further down, close to my mouth and his lips made their way to me in my head. The salt water dropped in my hand and I felt his hand on mine again. How could someone do all that to me? It didn't make sense. So it finally dropped on my foot, and it all came back to me that he was miles and miles away.
Many other tears started to come, I lost control and started crying. In the end, what bothers me the most is that to feed this love I need absolutely nothing. Nothing. I just need him to be alive and well, even if I never see him again. My love gets buried with me. I felt my mouth trying to smile, those memories were good after all.
But a question kept bugging my head, why was this all coming to me now? I told myself to get together and unlocked my cellphone. Jully 16th, now it all made sense, two years.
My room was filled with that hot air. It was so cold outside, there was no way I was getting out of bed. It was one of those ordinary cold winter nights when there is nothing to do, except going on the computer. As I looked through my furniture to see if I wanted to change anything, I stared for a second at my white desk. One, two, three, four, five, five draws. The fifth was where I kept all of the important material things I got everywhere I went, including his perfume.
Even cold, I got out of bed and opened the drawer. Picked up the perfume and smelled it for a whole minute. The memories started to make a line in my heart, which made me shed a little tear. A both, sad and happy tear. It went down my face, going trough my nose as I remembered the first time I smelled that perfume. Then it went further down, close to my mouth and his lips made their way to me in my head. The salt water dropped in my hand and I felt his hand on mine again. How could someone do all that to me? It didn't make sense. So it finally dropped on my foot, and it all came back to me that he was miles and miles away.
Many other tears started to come, I lost control and started crying. In the end, what bothers me the most is that to feed this love I need absolutely nothing. Nothing. I just need him to be alive and well, even if I never see him again. My love gets buried with me. I felt my mouth trying to smile, those memories were good after all.
But a question kept bugging my head, why was this all coming to me now? I told myself to get together and unlocked my cellphone. Jully 16th, now it all made sense, two years.
xx Vehanen, Laura
